As a planner/control freak/day-dreamer combo person, I am always looking toward the next step in life. Thinking about it, planning it out perfectly, and then doing what I can to make it happen.
Beginning during my first year of middle school, I couldn't WAIT for the next year to come so that I was eligible for cheerleading tryouts. Hours of wishing away the sixth grade went by as I worked tirelessly for my backhandspring and constantly contemplated what wonders cheerleading camp would hold.
After 8th grade graduation (ok, I was a little sad to leave my middle school buddies), I got right back into my swing of things buying freshman year school supplies and looking with wide eyes toward the first day of high school. During early high school, I couldn't wait until I was old enough to date and have a boyfriend (oh, and get my braces off!). Going on dates with a cute boy in his very own truck, him buying me chocolates and calling me his sweetheart....man there was nothing better. (right?) But once that milestone had passed, I was quickly counting down the days (ok maybe even the minutes) until I was a VARSITY cheerleader. Not to mention spending hours in pre-calculus class drawing out my Azalea Trail Maid dress designs and writing elaborate notes to/texting my boyfriend (at the expensive of my grade, no doubt).
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| Oh, the olden days.... |
At the end of high school, I did dread leaving everything behind for college. My heart ached for the things I was leaving behind, and I wondered what I could do to make the future look as bright as what I was departing. My suffering was real, but brief. I was thirsty and ready for my independence just as much as the next girl. When I entered into a long term relationship in college, I didn't suppress visions of diamonds and white dresses, and detailed dreams of how awesome that would be (as if dating were a phase that I wanted to hurry and be done with in my life, not a unique God-given season of happiness). After the question was popped and the ring was on my finger, I was almost immediately ready to be DONE with wedding planning and ready to be living the "dream" together in our very own place. Home made dinners, cuddling up on our couch and watching tv, not having to say goodbye at night... you know, the works!
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| The dating days |
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| A sweet brand new couple |
Once married for a certain amount of time, I began slipping right back into my tried and true old habit. I began looking toward more "next steps" in life. Visions of stunning white dresses and shiny diamonds were replaced by moments featuring first homes, re-models, new furniture, puppies, career-oriented successes, monogrammed onesies, sippy cups, and soccer games (maybe not a mini-van).
As I enter into my final semester of graduate school, I find myself currently preoccupied with finding a job after I walk across that stage in May. Not only that, but our lease will be up in May. We know the area we want to purchase a home in, and all of our friends/church/fun things occur over that way. Checking the real estate listings like its my job and pinning home-improvement ideas is how I spend most of my current free time. Always living for/stressing over that next step. One sweet, glorious, long-awaited moment arrives, and I immediately look with anticipation and anxiousness toward planning the next.
What about this moment? What about now? What about the season of life I am blessed to be living? (excuse the cheese, this is not about to be a carpe diem moment. I promise.)
But more importantly, what about the Lord's plan for each moment (the good and seemingly bad times)? What about this series of gifts that He has given me that I have pushed to the side in favor of looking toward the next gift I expect from Him? What about what He wants to teach me during each specific season? What am I missing out on by doing this?
Now as I face this season of life, I pray that the Lord would give me the strength and the peace to wait in His presence-and to wait there infinitely satisfied. For Jesus to be my heart's treasure... not to set my sights on the next best thing I'm hungering to have or be a part of. I look back on all the amazing times throughout my life, and I wish I would have taken time to glorify the Lord more for what He gave me. I wish I had waited on Him and listened, even through times I considered "suffering". For what is my real goal in life? Who/what am I really here for?
Ultimately no amount of my own planning, no amount of stressing, fretting, pouting, or even doing (for all of us proactive, craft-pinning, go-getters) can compare to what He can do with a waiting heart.
WAIT upon the Lord, for He can do more in your waiting than you can do in your own doing.
Or as Elisabeth Elliott would put it:
Let us not try to make sense of these trials, but make the most of it.Wherever you are, be all there. Don’t waste it. Live to the hilt of every situation that is the will of God. Our vision is so limited, we can hardly imagine His love, a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering.
The deepest spiritual lessons are learned by waiting until we can honestly learn to pray "THY WILL BE DONE"
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint .Isaiah 40:31
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. Psalm 62:5
Oh, and thanks, B.Dill! You should definitely check her out if you haven't already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFf-WaFJRTI
"To Those Who Wait"
I am waiting on You,
I am waiting on You.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
My heart’s discouraged,
So I come to You expectant.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.
Oh, wretched man that I am!
Free me from my distractions.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Then confession and repentance
Find me in the quiet.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Now I know You’re good to those who wait.
Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.
Oh, my soul,
Wait upon the Lord.
Keep your lamp filled with oil.
Oh, my soul,
Be not deceived!
Wait for Him.
Don’t be quick to leave.
Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.
I am waiting on You.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
My heart’s discouraged,
So I come to You expectant.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.
Oh, wretched man that I am!
Free me from my distractions.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Then confession and repentance
Find me in the quiet.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Now I know You’re good to those who wait.
Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.
Oh, my soul,
Wait upon the Lord.
Keep your lamp filled with oil.
Oh, my soul,
Be not deceived!
Wait for Him.
Don’t be quick to leave.
Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.
